Adoption - How to Handle Hygiene Issues Sensitively in Older Child Adoption

When older children join a family, they often lack proper hygiene. This is common and should be expected. Poor hygiene could be the result of lack of experience (no one ever taught the child hygiene), an expression of low self-esteem, or related to sexual abuse and/or trauma. Some children believe that no one will bother them if they are ""stinky"".

When one of my children joined our family, she knew little about table manners and less about proper bathroom hygiene. Her idea of bathing was throwing a few drops of water over herself. Hygiene is a health issue, but it is also an opportunity to express parental care and concern and to protect the child from comments from other children and possibly, even adults. If your new older child comes to you with a lack of hygiene, consider it an opportunity to grow your relationship.

Start with bathroom and bathing issues first because these issues will garner the most ridicule from other children.
If you have other children, gather all the children and announce that you're going to have a reminder about bathroom hygiene. Talk to all the children about how to use the bathroom and clean up afterwards. Post a handwashing reminder near the sink.
Don't compound existing shame by yelling/criticizing about hygiene or cleanliness. Further shame could actually make things worse.
If your child is prepubescent, consider bathing them like an infant. Wash their hair in the bathtub. Allow the child to wash their own body (point out any spots they miss), let them play in the tub, sing them songs or read them stories while they bath, and make it a fully positive experience. Super soft towels and a warm temperature help too.
Develop a nightly ritual around bathing so the child knows what to expect and stick to it. Children find structure relaxing.
Do not discuss your older child's hygiene issue with your other children or with other adults. Many children adopted an older age expect adults to be untrustworthy. Demonstrate that you can be trusted.

Remember to focus on the positive, on the victories. Your older child may have a lot to learn when they join your family. Baby steps need to be appreciated and progress should be celebrated. Don't focus on what the child didn't do. Focus on what the child got right.

Robin D. Hayes, Ph.D. (called Dr. H)

http://adoptingtheolderchild.com

Dr. H is the founder of Adopting the Older Child and writes about older child adoption, special needs adoption, education, and multiracial families. Adopting the Older Child provides information and resources to empower parents to have the best older child adoption experience possible. Please visit http://adoptingtheolderchild.com to learn more about older child adoption, both domestic and international, including tips for helping newly adopted children with typical issues such as sleeping, bedwetting, and preparing children for new siblings.